My Journey

Weight Loss: Doctor’s Orders

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Was at the doctors for my yearly check-up. Verdict was, loose weight or get on 4-6 different medications. I chose weight loss. Therefore, Weight Loss: Doctor’s Orders. Therefore, I am going to give this blog another try. I thought I was ready last year but I still had fears and honestly with 80-100 hour work weeks, I just did not have the energy.

Getting Past The Fear

My fears have always been the fear of failure, however, I have failed more times than I can count so just another bad excuse. I think, I need to learn that as long as I am being true to myself and can stand by my actions, failure is simply part of the process.

Weight loss has ups and downs but mine has been more downs than ups. I kept telling myself, that it was ok if I did not loose the weight as long as I worked out. However, I went to the doctor as I had been feeling awful lately. My body was aching, I felt a burning painful feeling on my chest (right between my breasts) and my energy was less than 0. I had days where getting out of bed in the morning was a struggle. Not because of depression but simply because my body was tired. I had been feeling like this for a while but I kept pushing off going to the doctor. I kept telling myself:  “I was just being a wimp” or “I am just overworked, it will get better”.

Working With My Doctor

One day, I was headed home from work with my husband. We were walking up the stairs and he asked “why are you weezing and breathing so heavily?”. I thought to myself “gosh, have I become this overweight that I am out of breath just walking up the stairs?”. I thought it strange as I was still working out several times each week so my overall cardio should still be the same. Then the burning sensation started, it got worse and worse to which point I finally went to see the doctor. This was over a 3 month period.

It turns out my weezing was not from my weight but that my asthma had come back. Doctor thought it might have been triggered by stress. The burning sensation was from too much gastric acid, most likely due to both the food I was eating and stress. We did a bit more tests as I had not gone to a doctor in years. I still had high cholesterol and it was even higher. My blood pressure was on the cusp of being too high and my vitamin D levels were at a record low for me. All 3 signs of me being overweight taking its toll on me.

Another Option

I am not a fan of medication, if I can avoid it I will, but I accept if there are no other option. I had gotten my asthma medication and my medication for my gastric acid. Both were helping. However, when the doctor started talking about more medication for my cholesterol and my heart, I immediately said, no there has to be other options. The doctor of course candidly told me I needed to lose the weight and cut out as many carbs as I could. I agreed that I would do this and come back 3 months later. So weight loss, doctor’s orders.

My appointment is June 18th. I am now roughly a month in. I have lost 13.2lb (6kg), I have cut all carbs except for fruit. So I am not doing a full Keto diet (only berries allowed), but I am weighing everything, turning my squash into my alternative spaghetti option and eating only lean protein.

Right now it is 1 day at a time but I am ok with that.

Xoxo

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My Journey

The New Normal

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Back in January I was energized by my anger, stress and seeing my mother-in-law fighting for her life. Unfortunately, she passed a month later which took me away from you, my readers.

I, honestly, have not had time to grieve her passing just yet, as currently it is my husband who needs the support and not I. I have since put my focus towards my family rather than myself (and you). I know all weightloss gurus always write about how you have to focus on you and not everyone else in the process of losing weight and I know that is true. I have not had the energy to deal with my food, regular workouts etc. My days have been work, cooking, taking care of my husband and try to fit in a workout once in a while so I would not competely lose momentum.

I, finally, feel like I have the energy to push myself a little further and pick up where I left off in January. My husband is still grieving and my job is still insane but I have gotten used to the new normal and I have to refind my passion in all of it.

During my last post I had started the 30 Day Challenge and I lived it. I grew stronger every single day and I could feel my energy come back. I never completed the 30 days so now I am back at it. As I am writing, I am on day 4 of 30 of my 3×30 Day Challenge.

I keep making statements I can’t keep and it is frustrating to read my progress in my blogposts (or lack thereof) as I seem to get nowhere. I will not make any promises this time. I will simply take one day at a time and hopefully you will stick with me in my flawed progress.

Here are a few pics from my last workouts.

Until next time…

Xoxo

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My Journey

I Am Back!

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It has been a while. I apologize for my absence.

My intentions were to roll back my focus on the blog but instead devote my time to my new business. Plans did not turn out that way. My business had to wait. Family suddenly had to take focus and things are not quieting down but simply intensifying.

However, that did make me more determined to get back into weight-loss and focus on my health. I technically started my focus mid-December but then even more stuff happened so I thought, once things quieted down I would get going. It did not. Obviously. When does it ever?

But no more excuses. I have now made my schedule so I recommend you start following my Instagram and Facebook accounts as they will start being more active. If you are following my Instagram you know I have posted regularly for a while now and it will be even more going forward. Great things to come. I am so excited to get going again.

I decided to do a 3×30 Day Challenge within the next 2 months. It is really keeping me engaged, dedicated and it gives a full body work out. The App is called 30 Day Fit Challenge. It is free to download from your app store, however there can be in-app purchases if you want more advanced training programs. I have not needed them… yet.

I changed my diet slightly. I took out snacking and daily desserts, so I should only have 1 dessert per week and no snacking unless I get home late. Although, with my VERY emotional week last week and my birthday, I did eat more than I probably should have. I am not going to be too hard on myself. I know my mistakes and I did allow myself a bit more since it was my birthday.

I will keep you posted on my progress. For now I am at 245lb (111kg), so I am essentially starting over but hey, at least I am not giving up.

Stay tuned as more great things are to come.

XOXO

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My Journey

I’m Starting My Own Business!

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Some of you may have noticed that I have given my blog a bit of a break. It was not because I have given up on losing weight. My focus has just been elsewhere.

A few weeks ago, I posted a picture of my anger and disappointment. I don’t like disappointment, like most people, and I have a hard time letting things go. I don’t see myself be in a work situation where the disappointment overshadows my desire to go to work.

The day after my very disappointing day, no I did not get fired, I took a day and I brainstormed with Mike (my wonderful hubby) on what should be next for me in my career. Both Mike and my dad has been huge advocates for me starting my own business but I have not really thought of the right thing and was insecure and doubtful that I could succeed.

While we were brainstorming I realized that I really want to get back to what would get me excited. Why else go to work? I knew that I want to support, especially non-profits. But it is not easy coming from the profit world into the non-profit world and I don’t feel like leaving everything I have learned behind. I am therefore starting a business that combines both.

So here I am building out my concept and will be ready to pitch my ideas to non-profits in a few weeks. I hope, I have a good idea, if not, I hope the non-profits can give feedback so I can come back with an even better idea. Otherwise, I am going back to the drawing board. Not the end of the world. I still have my daytime job.

It has been an exciting time and I will pitch you the project once I am done building out the concept.

And I hope you will give me honest and tough feedback (especially, if you work in the non-profit world).

Stay tuned!

Next post will be about weightloss. Promise!

Xoxo

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My Journey

Where do we find inspiration to keep going?

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More often than not, I have to remind myself why I am not eating the cookie I want or why I should not just stop logging all that touches my tongue. Always thinking about what I eat, weighing whether or not I should eat it. Did I do enough to eat this amount of calories, what is my carb, fat, protein ratio, have I had enough calories to eat, have I enough calories left over for a spoonful of ice cream? All questions I ask myself on a daily basis and honestly, sometimes it gets tiring always have to weigh the options, calculate the intake and the list continues. When I am getting too fed up, that is when I dig into my arsenal of inspirations. 

I believe I mentioned inspiration a few months ago as I was recommitting myself to loosing the weight. But I wanted to bring back the subject as it is more important than we think to have small things that keep us going on a regular basis, especially if you end up like me, needing several weeks to see any progress on the scale.

Last night I wanted to stuff my face with anything that had sugar and fat. A really strong urge. One of those where you can’t help but be proud of yourself if you end up not giving in. I had 1/2 a cup of ice cream and well within my calories. I was proud. But one thing I reminded myself of was how uncomfortable I am on planes due to my size. Weird, I know. But when you have a large butt it limits your ability to move in your seat to be comfortable. There is not enough space to put your feet under you or just scoot to one side to shift the weight as you are already taking up all of the space you have available to you. Not to mention the feeling of being in the way because people you sit next to feel comfortable enough to take both armrests and not give it up at any point. So you squeeze your shoulders together to make yourself as small as possible. If you for a moment could try and sit like that in your chair amd then ask yourself. How comfortable would you be after 8 hours on a plane? Not very. I know plane rides are never comfortable but most would have a couple of inches to move around in or even be small enough to have their heels be on the edge of their seat so they can shift their position. Imagine not even being able to do that… frustrating. And I am on planes often enough that one of the things that keep me motivated is the fact that I might just be a bit more comfortable. Odd I know, but whatever gets you through the urges of binging.

Another inspiration is the hope that one day I will not be sweating profusely when I go down in the subway during summertime. I know it is hot down there but I literally have to bring a wash cloth to help me not look like I just ran a marathon. I hate the subway in summertime. 

Then there is the usual, want to fit into clothes better without seeing that extra bump or two in the side or the front for that matter. Or just not look twice as large as anyone else in a picture. Or simply when you see a piece of art where you see the most perfectly shaped woman and you use that as your ideal to reach.

My husband and I had a conversation about me being overweight and he was trying to understand why and if there was anything he could do to help. Have I said just how much I love him? He asked me, why do you overeat. What is the psychological need to do that? My reply was along the lines of: It started out with me wanting to hide and be small. After my reply he looked dumbfounded and simply blurded out: You do realize that overeating does the EXACT opposite, right?

Although, I know that is the case, I never really thought of it like that and that conversation to this day is a huge inspiration to me. Eating whatever I want is counter intuitive to what I really want and need. So it is something I think about several times each week.
I follow bloggers and influencers, who inspire me and share the same struggle. They sometimes have insights, good ideas, recipes etcetera. But most of all, it is the sense of not being alone in your struggles and having a sense of community where it is not odd that you want to be comfortable in your seat, not hate how your tire sticks to yourself when you workout or that you constantly check if you are in the way because you are that much bigger and really uncomfortable in your own skin.

There are so many ways to find your inspiration, what keeps you going both small and big. My biggest inspiration is my husband. I know it is cliche but that is the truth. He is next to me and hates it when he is not. He loves me even when I am imperfect. And he is my biggest supporter. Pushes me when I really don’t want to be pushed but need it. Supports me when I just want to stuff my face and puts things in perspective and rallies around me when I have triumphs. He is the person with the biggest heart that I know and that is something to beat as most of my friends are up there when it comes to their love, support and acceptance during both good and bad times. Am I the luckiest woman on the planet or what???

It’s a good day!

Xoxo,

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My Journey

I Fucking Hate The Scale!!!

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Normally, this would be a Fitbit Tuesday posting but I have to vent. Once again, I gained weight. I am now 246.2lb. Sorta frustrating. Especially, when I know I have had a killer week where if the numbers bothered to add up I would have been able to lose almost 4 pounds. So looking at the scale that I once again gained weight is frustrating. And there is no chance that I would have gained 4lbs in muscle mass in 1 week.

ARGH!!! Feel like screaming and I would love to know why the numbers keep not adding up. I literally track everything. I wear this F…ing Fitbit 24/7 and note down everything that hits my tongue. Even if we assume I am not accurate enough in my measurements and Fitbit is completely off. With what I am eating there is no way I am above 2000 calories (I am roughly around 1,600 calories when I measure) and just existing in this overweight body is roughly 2,200 calories burnt IF I DON’T MOVE. I do move around, walk to and from work which would land me around 2,700 calories (I am not pulling numbers out of my ass but there are websites that can help me pull these numbers. Now I do work out 5-6 times each week with an average of 500 calorie burn over 7 days (averaging it out for 7 days to make it easier to calculate) and I end up at 3,200 calorie burn on average. So from 2,000 calorie intake to 3,200 calorie burn leaves me with 1,200 of burnt calories per day and that comes to 8,400 calories burnt on 1 week and that is roughly 2.5 lb I should be loosing.

This means I can literally, calculate my frustration.

I don’t give up easily but I was so close to just fuck it all when I remembered 2 things. Even if I don’t lose the weight I still have my health to worry about and that I can’t give up on. If I am gaining muscle and I have water weight because my period is around the corner… maybe I should check my measurements. Just in case.

Boy am I glad I did. I have not checked my numbers since I wrote my first blog post so those are the numbers I had to compare to. I weighed less than I do now with 242.2lb then vs 246.2lb now. However, my measurements are better all around. My hips were 50 inches. Now they are 49 inches. Arms were 17 inches, now they are 16. My bust were 46 inches and I am now 42 inches around my bust. My waist was 42 inches and guess what… I am now 36 inches.. crazy! I have lost 6 inches around my waist, 4 around my bust and 1 on each of my arms and hips. Yeah!! See that is something to celebrate. 12 inches smaller is arms up and they can’t seem to get down kind of celebration.

I have a measurement tape that has highlighted my measurement goals. I noted these goals down years ago and they still ring true for my deepest wish of where I should be measurement wise. My goal is to reach 37 inches (94 centimeters) around my bust, 29.5 inches (74 centimeters) around my waist, 12 inches (30.5 centimeters) around my arms and 40 inches (102 centimeters) around my hips. Whether this is realistic or not, I am not sure. Especially around my hips as my butt has always been 1 size larger than everything else on me.

I am getting closer to my bust and waist goals but my arms and hips still needs some work, which is also why I keep focusing on those areas when I go to the gym. I still have a long way to go but I got truly excited about the fact that the weight does not matter. My health and my numbers show the hard work I have put in these last couple of months and I deserve to pad myself on the back and congratulate myself.

This just comes to show that the scale does not matter. It is a guide. I will keep using the guide but I might need to look elsewhere for true numbers when I really get frustrated and lose motivation.

Thank you for letting me vent and share with you my little celebration over my 12 inches loss. YEAH!

Xoxo,

 

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Recipes

Fat vs Sugar

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It has been rumored that sugar is the culprit for the average weight gain in the western world and not fat. And I have been doing my fair bit of research on this. Why? You might ask. Well, trying to loose weight, I feel it is important that I focus on what is fact and what is yet another guess (as there has been a fair bit of that when it comes to weight gain).

Why is it that researchers are now so focused on sugar being the culprit? The reason is because of statistics. Statistics show a direct correlation between amount of people with type 2 diabetes, having high blood pressure and obesity with the increasing amount of sugar consumption.

It used to be that fat was the culprit. Now it is sugar. Why is this? The history is long and complex but I will try and shorten it for you.

In the 1050’s when we had a bit more time on our hands and did not have to deal with a world war, we noticed that there was an increase in deaths related to heart diseases compared to just 50 years earlier. Scientists of course  curious (that is their job after all) started investigating and found that fatty arteries were the culprit and a man, Ancel Keys, in particular fought for the idea that there was a correlation between fats and heart diseases. His research has been scrutinized A LOT and I am not going into this debate as that is a post on its own, so I will stick to facts and what is still usable and that is in particular his influence on the “Anti-fats” campaign. It is true that there is a correlation between eating high amounts of fats that then clings to our arteries and heart disease but where it goes wrong is the relevance on weight gain and loss. For some reason scientists made a direct correlation between fat intake and weight gain but luckily we have gotten wiser.

So why is Sugar now the focus? The reason is related to Ancel Keys history. When doctors found out the impact that fats had on the heart and its related diseases, they started recommending a low fat diet. Ideal would have been to then increase the protein amount in foods but that was not that easy and it was expensive, so they recommended higher carb diets instead to make sure people were eating enough calories.

So why is the higher carb diet part of the story? Two reasons. Sugar is a carb and it is cheap and carbs converts itself into sugar (which then eventually becomes fats if we eat too much). The food industry started seeing a surge in the need for a “low fat” foods and sugar was the easiest replacement. It tasted good and it increased the flavors and was a great way to replace fats.

Interestingly, the increase in sugar in our diets now showed a correlation between obesity since the end of the 1950’s. Interesting, huh?

So this is where the research has ended. Sugar is now the bad guy. However, one thing, I believe is missing in all of this data is the industrialization of our western world. We move A LOT less than our ancestors and one thing we are build to do is to move. Us standing up and our long legs are due to the need to move around.

My opinion is, there is nothing wrong with sugar, there is nothing wrong with fats. All in moderation and simply make sure to exercise enough to keep your body healthy and strong. Fats does not cause obesity and truth be told, sugar does not cause obesity. Obesity is simple math. If you eat more than you burn off, you will gain weight. It is that simple.

New, very interesting, research is starting to establish the importance of full fat products and studies and science are showing something interesting. Studies are showing that people that eat and drink full fat dairy products tends to weigh less and even lose more weight than those that eat low fat or non fat dairy. Scientists have found a couple of possible and very likely reasons for this. 1. Full fats makes us feel full longer and 2. they have found acids in the full fat dairy products, similar to probiotics, that you can’t find in low or non fat products that are improving your bacteria in your intestines which in turn curbs your sugar cravings. These two facts is what has kept the research group that ate full fat dairy products stay thinner and even lose weight. They ate less and had a lower craving for sugars.

This in particular, I have found interesting and I feel there is enough research behind it already (thousands of people have been in these studies around the world) so I am willing to test it out on myself. I have started changing my milk from skim to whole, yogurts from low/non fat to full and my cottage cheese from non to full fat (not that my yogurts or cottage cheeses are high in fats even if they are “full fat” products). I will keep you posted on any changes I might experience.

When it comes to food and diets. Stay vigilant and do your research it is worth your while.

Xoxo,

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Fitness, My Journey

My First Goal!

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As I wrote in one of my earlier posts, it makes losing weight a bit easier if you have something to look forward to along the way. My first goal came really quickly and I hit it only after 2 week.

My reward was new training pants and/or shorts. It was time to go looking for the right pairs.

First I needed to think about my needs. What did I need from my new workout pants? I needed a pocket for my phone and keys. I needed them to be comfortable around my thighs and I needed them no be midi or high waisted. Hate it when pants are too low and they keep crawling down when you are doing burpies or sit ups or when the belly hangs out when you look at yourself in the mirror.

Like most people, I have a pretty tight schedule with a 50 hour work week (on average) 5-6 days of training and maintaining and finding topics for a blog (it takes more time than I had anticipated but I am getting some great material so stay tuned).

With limited time, I love internet shopping as I do not have time to go from store to store and honestly, I do not have time to go from website to website searching all brands. I do not even know all brands. So my thought was to make use of what I know. I know affiliate and if there is something we are good at, it is new apps and finding discounts. As I needed to try on my clothing, I needed something that could provide free shipping and returns and one of the partners I work with on daily basis are: Spring. They offer Free Shipping and Returns while you can shop any merchant you can think of.

So I went to Spring and I started searching for workout clothing, pants, capri and shorts in particularly. I found a brand that could provide exactly what I was looking for: Naja. Naja is a brand that makes sure that the ones making the clothes are paid a decent wage. If you know me well, you know that is exactly me. So it was fate that I found the brand and they had the type of work out clothes I was looking for. I bought one of their Capri pants and a pair of their shorts. Just in case I saw that New Balance had a sale so I grabbed up one capri pair from them as well.

My clothes came after 3 days and now I have had a chance to try them out. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new Naja pants. They are amazing and they look good. The New Balance was not my favorite but they do the job and would be a good fit when I lose a bit more weight.

I took a few pictures for you to check out.

Xoxo

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Recipes

This Is The Tough Part

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Going through the 4th week is usually my tough time. The time, where I simply want to give up. Drop out of the gym and not count every single calorie.

And true enough. It has been a tough week.  I have counted my calories, I have gone to the gym but boy, have I not wanted to. At this point I am just trying to distract myself from giving up. I am constantly trying to tell myself, I will get past these next couple of weeks.

It is a constant battle where I keep trying to rationalize my bad choices but I know they are simply excuses. Excuses, excuses, excuses. I have lots of them but none of them are really okay.

If I eat this ice cream I can just skip dinner. If I eat this chocolate, I could just eat a little less for dinner. I am so tired and my muscles are so soar, I am sure it will be just fine if I skip the gym today. I have been cleaning all day, that should count for something. I can already see my weightloss in the mirror so I can take a break, no?

You get the point. I have a LOT of excuses. They are never ending. Being aware of my rationalizing is simply excuses, I have been good at ignoring the urges to eat what I should not eat or not go to the gym and I have been cognizant of choosing what I need to choose and not what I want to choose.

Need vs want. That is a good call out for weightloss. I NEED to loose weight and I WANT to loose weight (most of the time) but the want is more wavering than the need. Which is how, I know what to choose when I am debating with myself. I, always, have to choose the need and not what I want. If I chose what I want rather than the need, I would sit with a tub of ice cream this very moment.

It is, also, that time of the month where you just want to eat everything in site and you simply feel like crap no matter what. Yes, if you are a woman, you know what I am talking about. My period has come along and cravings become 10 fold around this time.

This is the time, I am asking for your help. Your help to motivate me and check up on my and make sure I have gone to the gym and that I have been calculating my calories. I promise to be honest and open about my experience if you keep at it with me.

At the moment I am cooking my lunch for the week. A great way to stay out of the fridge and not eating food. It helps me stay organized for the week and it makes it easier to count my calories to have my food prepped for the week. It, also, saves time so I have time and energy to go to the gym during the week.

The menu for the week is Mexican inspired wraps with low fat ground meet, low fat refried black beans and coarse tomato salsa. I, also, bought a watermelon as my lunch dessert. I should be all set with a roughly 550 calorie lunch. Once I am done cooking, I am off to the gym. Anyone want to join me?

XoXo

 

 

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My Journey

How Come You Put On So Much Weight?

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This is a question I get more often than one might think. And I think it is a good question. Weight does not just suddenly pop up and it is not like I do not want to be healthy and look good when I stare back at myself in the mirror. Believe it or not, I have thought about why I keep gaining weight for more than 25 years. I have roughly 100 hours of psychology hours behind me,  several bad habits and eating disorders behind me, along with 10+ books about weight loss and about 10 different fad diets under my belt (anything from Weight Watcher to electricity run through my body).

My husband asked me this question a few days ago, as we were talking about when I was anorexic with a tendency to binge. This was the time, I was skinniest. I was 130 lb. So not insanely skinny but still lower than the average I should have been at (144 lb). More about this later.

This question got me thinking. I am probably not the only one who has had this question asked and I am sure a lot of you are asking yourselves this very question, but you might be to polite to ask (my husband is not). It is, also, an important question to ask one self when trying to lose weight as you need to dig in and learn about your habits more deeply than simply “I should not eat that”.

Everyone has their story and no story is better or worse than others, as we are all different and react differently to what we are exposed to in life that build our habits. Mine started in early childhood and simply kept getting reinforced through my childhood. Once those habits have been instilled in you they are insanely hard to break. Not until I was in my 30′ did I start really understanding my habits and you can’t change them if you are not aware of them. So lesson number 1. Learn about your habits, good and bad.

One of my first memories of childhood was when I was 3-4 years of age. My parents were fighting (which were not uncommon in those days) and to spare me from the stress of the yelling they would place me in front of the TV with a small bowl of candy and they were off to the kitchen. Of course I could hear them yell anyways, which would make any child feel unsafe so I emerged myself in the TV and my bowl of candy. The reason why this exact memory is so important is that it is my first memory of what happens when I binge. I am in front of the TV or computer and sugar just goes in, one after the other. After a stressful day or if I have been in a fight, my go to remedy to make myself feel better is the TV and my bag of goodies.

This habit got reinforced throughout my childhood. My surroundings where not getting any calmer. Matter of fact, they got worse. At age 5 my parents divorced and soon enough it was time for my sisters and mother to fight each other.

As I started growing into my teenage years, I was not the rebellious type. I internalized things more than my sisters. With the insecurity of trying to find out who you are as a teenager and the fear of being unpopular started my next habit. Binging! It started out with me wanting to lose that “baby fat”. I put it in quotation marks as that was what my mom called it, although others were not as nice about it. Ever since I was a kid, I was body shamed and food shamed by pretty much everyone in my family (a few exceptions, love you dad!).

Looking back, I was not overweight, I was just not skinny but that was considered overweight and that is something I still live under today. I have a hard time distancing myself from that image and just accept that my body is more voluptuous than those of my sisters and mother’s side of the family. My dad’s side of the family had a bigger tendency to carry more weight than average but unfortunately, we did not really engage with that side of the family and my father’s mother died when he was very young so I never got to meet her. Although, I am told, that I look like her. She must have been a very good looking woman 😉

To put the pressure into perspective. When I was skinniest at 130 lb, I was still called overweight and having “baby fat”. Yes, insane, I know, but my shape and voluptuous features simple gives me the look of being a bit choppy.

This constant pressure, although, I am sure it was not intentional, drove me into my dabble in anorexia. I say “dabble” as I had a friend at the time, whom saved my life and made me wake up from what I was doing to myself, fairly early into my days of not eating or binging with purging afterwards. If he is reading this, he knows who he is and I simply want to say: Thank you!

As the pressure was still there, the habit of using food as a comforter was readily available, I instead started binging and that is how I ended up with the other side of a eating disorder – over eating.

Over eating was something I hid as I felt it was shameful. I was not supposed to eat all of those treats and foods as I was supposed to lose weight and be skinny like my friends and sisters. But my feelings were overwhelming and I could not control my urges. This urge simply stayed and I tried over time to control it in different ways. I still have the urges today but with some really capable psychologists, I have gotten some great tools to recognize when the urge comes on, why it is there and that I have a choice. The choice is harder than you think, but I am slowly learning to accept my choices. Good or bad. And I think, I am finally growing up.

After over eating for roughly 20 years, you put on weight. I have had more excuses than I can count but at least now I see my excuses and I can choose to act on them or grow up and say no.

The bigger picture of my story is showing how important positive body image is for especially young people. I hope that my blog will help people to realize that they are beautiful no matter who they are and what they look like. It is truly, what is inside that determines your outer beauty.

XOXO

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