Where do we find inspiration to keep going?

More often than not, I have to remind myself why I am not eating the cookie I want or why I should not just stop logging all that touches my tongue. Always thinking about what I eat, weighing whether or not I should eat it. Did I do enough to eat this amount of calories, what is my carb, fat, protein ratio, have I had enough calories to eat, have I enough calories left over for a spoonful of ice cream? All questions I ask myself on a daily basis and honestly, sometimes it gets tiring always have to weigh the options, calculate the intake and the list continues. When I am getting too fed up, that is when I dig into my arsenal of inspirations. 

I believe I mentioned inspiration a few months ago as I was recommitting myself to loosing the weight. But I wanted to bring back the subject as it is more important than we think to have small things that keep us going on a regular basis, especially if you end up like me, needing several weeks to see any progress on the scale.

Last night I wanted to stuff my face with anything that had sugar and fat. A really strong urge. One of those where you can’t help but be proud of yourself if you end up not giving in. I had 1/2 a cup of ice cream and well within my calories. I was proud. But one thing I reminded myself of was how uncomfortable I am on planes due to my size. Weird, I know. But when you have a large butt it limits your ability to move in your seat to be comfortable. There is not enough space to put your feet under you or just scoot to one side to shift the weight as you are already taking up all of the space you have available to you. Not to mention the feeling of being in the way because people you sit next to feel comfortable enough to take both armrests and not give it up at any point. So you squeeze your shoulders together to make yourself as small as possible. If you for a moment could try and sit like that in your chair amd then ask yourself. How comfortable would you be after 8 hours on a plane? Not very. I know plane rides are never comfortable but most would have a couple of inches to move around in or even be small enough to have their heels be on the edge of their seat so they can shift their position. Imagine not even being able to do that… frustrating. And I am on planes often enough that one of the things that keep me motivated is the fact that I might just be a bit more comfortable. Odd I know, but whatever gets you through the urges of binging.

Another inspiration is the hope that one day I will not be sweating profusely when I go down in the subway during summertime. I know it is hot down there but I literally have to bring a wash cloth to help me not look like I just ran a marathon. I hate the subway in summertime. 

Then there is the usual, want to fit into clothes better without seeing that extra bump or two in the side or the front for that matter. Or just not look twice as large as anyone else in a picture. Or simply when you see a piece of art where you see the most perfectly shaped woman and you use that as your ideal to reach.

My husband and I had a conversation about me being overweight and he was trying to understand why and if there was anything he could do to help. Have I said just how much I love him? He asked me, why do you overeat. What is the psychological need to do that? My reply was along the lines of: It started out with me wanting to hide and be small. After my reply he looked dumbfounded and simply blurded out: You do realize that overeating does the EXACT opposite, right?

Although, I know that is the case, I never really thought of it like that and that conversation to this day is a huge inspiration to me. Eating whatever I want is counter intuitive to what I really want and need. So it is something I think about several times each week.
I follow bloggers and influencers, who inspire me and share the same struggle. They sometimes have insights, good ideas, recipes etcetera. But most of all, it is the sense of not being alone in your struggles and having a sense of community where it is not odd that you want to be comfortable in your seat, not hate how your tire sticks to yourself when you workout or that you constantly check if you are in the way because you are that much bigger and really uncomfortable in your own skin.

There are so many ways to find your inspiration, what keeps you going both small and big. My biggest inspiration is my husband. I know it is cliche but that is the truth. He is next to me and hates it when he is not. He loves me even when I am imperfect. And he is my biggest supporter. Pushes me when I really don’t want to be pushed but need it. Supports me when I just want to stuff my face and puts things in perspective and rallies around me when I have triumphs. He is the person with the biggest heart that I know and that is something to beat as most of my friends are up there when it comes to their love, support and acceptance during both good and bad times. Am I the luckiest woman on the planet or what???

It’s a good day!


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I Fucking Hate The Scale!!!

Normally, this would be a Fitbit Tuesday posting but I have to vent. Once again, I gained weight. I am now 246.2lb. Sorta frustrating. Especially, when I know I have had a killer week where if the numbers bothered to add up I would have been able to lose almost 4 pounds. So looking at the scale that I once again gained weight is frustrating. And there is no chance that I would have gained 4lbs in muscle mass in 1 week.

ARGH!!! Feel like screaming and I would love to know why the numbers keep not adding up. I literally track everything. I wear this F…ing Fitbit 24/7 and note down everything that hits my tongue. Even if we assume I am not accurate enough in my measurements and Fitbit is completely off. With what I am eating there is no way I am above 2000 calories (I am roughly around 1,600 calories when I measure) and just existing in this overweight body is roughly 2,200 calories burnt IF I DON’T MOVE. I do move around, walk to and from work which would land me around 2,700 calories (I am not pulling numbers out of my ass but there are websites that can help me pull these numbers. Now I do work out 5-6 times each week with an average of 500 calorie burn over 7 days (averaging it out for 7 days to make it easier to calculate) and I end up at 3,200 calorie burn on average. So from 2,000 calorie intake to 3,200 calorie burn leaves me with 1,200 of burnt calories per day and that comes to 8,400 calories burnt on 1 week and that is roughly 2.5 lb I should be loosing.

This means I can literally, calculate my frustration.

I don’t give up easily but I was so close to just fuck it all when I remembered 2 things. Even if I don’t lose the weight I still have my health to worry about and that I can’t give up on. If I am gaining muscle and I have water weight because my period is around the corner… maybe I should check my measurements. Just in case.

Boy am I glad I did. I have not checked my numbers since I wrote my first blog post so those are the numbers I had to compare to. I weighed less than I do now with 242.2lb then vs 246.2lb now. However, my measurements are better all around. My hips were 50 inches. Now they are 49 inches. Arms were 17 inches, now they are 16. My bust were 46 inches and I am now 42 inches around my bust. My waist was 42 inches and guess what… I am now 36 inches.. crazy! I have lost 6 inches around my waist, 4 around my bust and 1 on each of my arms and hips. Yeah!! See that is something to celebrate. 12 inches smaller is arms up and they can’t seem to get down kind of celebration.

I have a measurement tape that has highlighted my measurement goals. I noted these goals down years ago and they still ring true for my deepest wish of where I should be measurement wise. My goal is to reach 37 inchesĀ (94 centimeters) around my bust, 29.5 inches (74 centimeters) around my waist, 12 inches (30.5 centimeters) around my arms and 40 inches (102 centimeters) around my hips. Whether this is realistic or not, I am not sure. Especially around my hips as my butt has always been 1 size larger than everything else on me.

I am getting closer to my bust and waist goals but my arms and hips still needs some work, which is also why I keep focusing on those areas when I go to the gym. I still have a long way to go but I got truly excited about the fact that the weight does not matter. My health and my numbers show the hard work I have put in these last couple of months and I deserve to pad myself on the back and congratulate myself.

This just comes to show that the scale does not matter. It is a guide. I will keep using the guide but I might need to look elsewhere for true numbers when I really get frustrated and lose motivation.

Thank you for letting me vent and share with you my little celebration over my 12 inches loss. YEAH!



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Fat vs Sugar

It has been rumored that sugar is the culprit for the average weight gain in the western world and not fat. And I have been doing my fair bit of research on this. Why? You might ask. Well, trying to loose weight, I feel it is important that I focus on what is fact and what is yet another guess (as there has been a fair bit of that when it comes to weight gain).

Why is it that researchers are now so focused on sugar being the culprit? The reason is because of statistics. Statistics show a direct correlation between amount of people with type 2 diabetes, having high blood pressure and obesity with the increasing amount of sugar consumption.

It used to be that fat was the culprit. Now it is sugar. Why is this? The history is long and complex but I will try and shorten it for you.

In the 1050’s when we had a bit more time on our hands and did not have to deal with a world war, we noticed that there was an increase in deaths related to heart diseases compared to just 50 years earlier. Scientists of courseĀ  curious (that is their job after all) started investigating and found that fatty arteries were the culprit and a man, Ancel Keys, in particular fought for the idea that there was a correlation between fats and heart diseases. His research has been scrutinized A LOT and I am not going into this debate as that is a post on its own, so I will stick to facts and what is still usable and that is in particular his influence on the “Anti-fats” campaign. It is true that there is a correlation between eating high amounts of fats that then clings to our arteries and heart disease but where it goes wrong is the relevance on weight gain and loss. For some reason scientists made a direct correlation between fat intake and weight gain but luckily we have gotten wiser.

So why is Sugar now the focus? The reason is related to Ancel Keys history. When doctors found out the impact that fats had on the heart and its related diseases, they started recommending a low fat diet. Ideal would have been to then increase the protein amount in foods but that was not that easy and it was expensive, so they recommended higher carb diets instead to make sure people were eating enough calories.

So why is the higher carb diet part of the story? Two reasons. Sugar is a carb and it is cheap and carbs converts itself into sugar (which then eventually becomes fats if we eat too much). The food industry started seeing a surge in the need for a “low fat” foods and sugar was the easiest replacement. It tasted good and it increased the flavors and was a great way to replace fats.

Interestingly, the increase in sugar in our diets now showed a correlation between obesity since the end of the 1950’s. Interesting, huh?

So this is where the research has ended. Sugar is now the bad guy. However, one thing, I believe is missing in all of this data is the industrialization of our western world. We move A LOT less than our ancestors and one thing we are build to do is to move. Us standing up and our long legs are due to the need to move around.

My opinion is, there is nothing wrong with sugar, there is nothing wrong with fats. All in moderation and simply make sure to exercise enough to keep your body healthy and strong. Fats does not cause obesity and truth be told, sugar does not cause obesity. Obesity is simple math. If you eat more than you burn off, you will gain weight. It is that simple.

New, very interesting, research is starting to establish the importance of full fat products and studies and science are showing something interesting. Studies are showing that people that eat and drink full fat dairy products tends to weigh less and even lose more weight than those that eat low fat or non fat dairy. Scientists have found a couple of possible and very likely reasons for this. 1. Full fats makes us feel full longer and 2. they have found acids in the full fat dairy products, similar to probiotics, that you can’t find in low or non fat products that are improving your bacteria in your intestines which in turn curbs your sugar cravings. These two facts is what has kept the research group that ate full fat dairy products stay thinner and even lose weight. They ate less and had a lower craving for sugars.

This in particular, I have found interesting and I feel there is enough research behind it already (thousands of people have been in these studies around the world) so I am willing to test it out on myself. I have started changing my milk from skim to whole, yogurts from low/non fat to full and my cottage cheese from non to full fat (not that my yogurts or cottage cheeses are high in fats even if they are “full fat” products). I will keep you posted on any changes I might experience.

When it comes to food and diets. Stay vigilant and do your research it is worth your while.


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My First Goal!

As I wrote in one of my earlier posts, it makes losing weight a bit easier if you have something to look forward to along the way. My first goal came really quickly and I hit it only after 2 week.

My reward was new training pants and/or shorts. It was time to go looking for the right pairs.

First I needed to think about my needs. What did I need from my new workout pants? I needed a pocket for my phone and keys. I needed them to be comfortable around my thighs and I needed them no be midi or high waisted. Hate it when pants are too low and they keep crawling down when you are doing burpies or sit ups or when the belly hangs out when you look at yourself in the mirror.

Like most people, I have a pretty tight schedule with a 50 hour work week (on average) 5-6 days of training and maintaining and finding topics for a blog (it takes more time than I had anticipated but I am getting some great material so stay tuned).

With limited time, I love internet shopping as I do not have time to go from store to store and honestly, I do not have time to go from website to website searching all brands. I do not even know all brands. So my thought was to make use of what I know. I know affiliate and if there is something we are good at, it is new apps and finding discounts. As I needed to try on my clothing, I needed something that could provide free shipping and returns and one of the partners I work with on daily basis are: Spring. They offer Free Shipping and Returns while you can shop any merchant you can think of.

So I went to Spring and I started searching for workout clothing, pants, capri and shorts in particularly. I found a brand that could provide exactly what I was looking for: Naja. Naja is a brand that makes sure that the ones making the clothes are paid a decent wage. If you know me well, you know that is exactly me. So it was fate that I found the brand and they had the type of work out clothes I was looking for. I bought one of their Capri pants and a pair of their shorts. Just in case I saw that New Balance had a sale so I grabbed up one capri pair from them as well.

My clothes came after 3 days and now I have had a chance to try them out. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new Naja pants. They are amazing and they look good. The New Balance was not my favorite but they do the job and would be a good fit when I lose a bit more weight.

I took a few pictures for you to check out.


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